Welcome to Glass Slipper! The poor, poor Los Angeles Angels; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Adam Silver, I know you’re a busy man. We’ll cut right to the chase here; I’m giving you a four-step blueprint on how to rebound from that absolute disaster of an All-Star weekend we just witnessed. Mercifully, giving a live microphone to Kevin Hart for hours on end will not be included in my plan for 2026.

1. Implement a 1-on-1 tournament.

There’s quite a bit of momentum towards this, which is fantastic news. The fans are demanding it, the players seem interested, and the league is already having conversations.

But in order to make this thing work long-term, the competition needs to be orchestrated correctly in Year 1. Here’s how we do it.

Each of the 30 NBA teams picks one representative from its roster to enter the contest. This decision process is totally up to the individual organization; it can be a social media vote, a player-led election, or the squad could even have its own internal tournament to figure out who goes.

Once the 30 participants are announced, fans will determine the seeding. The top two vote-getters receive a first-round bye, and the grand prize is $1 million. Done.

Some people want the entrants to be split into separate brackets based on height, and I think that’s bogus. You’re not backing down from a challenge at the park just because the opponent is taller or shorter than you. If it’s Anthony Edwards against Victor Wembanyama, so be it. Wemby has to find an answer for the speed, and Edwards needs to figure out a solution for the height. Play who you draw, and we’ll emerge with a singular champion who has true bragging rights.

2. Reinstate the Horse competition.

A lot of us diehard basketball fans have extreme nostalgia remembering the Horse game between Kevin Durant, Rajon Rondo, and Omri Casspi (I have no idea why he was invited, either) back in 2010. That was in some random, tiny gym in Phoenix, and yet it has stood the test of time in our memories. Now imagine that we revive the competition in the brand-new Intuit Dome; we’ll ratchet up the creativity, with Nikola Jokic, Luka Doncic, Steph Curry, and Kyrie Irving as the contestants. Since there’s no injury risk involved, I can’t imagine that any of them would turn down the invitation. I’m 2-for-2.

Hey, now that we’ve added a couple of wrinkles, let’s get rid of the ones that bog down All-Star weekend, year after year…

3. End the celebrity game and the skills challenge.

Just delete them entirely. Pretend they never existed. Trying to get us to watch C-listers stumble their way around a court is embarrassing. Forcing Donovan Mitchell and Evan Mobley to execute three-foot bounce passes into a massive circle is just downright insulting.

The water cooler conversations at your place of work have never once included either of these events. Make the logical choice, Mr. Silver.

4. Add an All-Star Game MVP prize.

LeBron James looked like a man possessed during the inaugural In-Season Tournament last year. Why? Well, every player on the winning team received $500,000. The guys at the end of the bench are not on massive deals; James wanted those dudes to cash out.

Just apply the same principle to the All-Star Game. If Jaren Jackson Jr. wins MVP, each member of the Grizzlies’ roster gets a Kia, five Tissot watches, and a lifetime supply of Starry soda. Look, I even worked in the three sponsors that the league is always trying to shove down our throats.

With this format, the All-Stars would have no choice but to compete. Anyone who decides to jog around is disappointing the whole group chat. Suddenly, we have a real war between the best basketball players on the planet.

There. You’re welcome, Adam. I don’t expect any compensation for spoon-feeding you the answers. Promise me you’ll never feature Kevin Hart again, and we’ll call it even.

Pressroom

Spin It

“Rather Be” by Clean Bandit (feat. Jess Glynne). 11 years??