Captain Obvious

Five bold predictions for Week 11 of the NFL season.

Welcome to Glass Slipper! The Jaime Jaquez revenge tour; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: Jameis Winston commits multiple turnovers against the Packers.

Absolutely nothing is going to deter Jameis Winston from letting it rip today. He’s somehow still only 31, and undoubtedly believes that a monster showing could earn him a starting job next season. Even the smallest of windows will look enticing.

We all know what happens when Winston is leading your huddle. Turnovers. He currently owns - by far, might I add - the highest interception percentage of any qualified quarterback that has entered the league in the last 16 years. A typical mistake-heavy afternoon is ahead for Jameis.

Prediction 2: Pittsburgh beats Cincinnati by 10+ points.

Oh, you better believe it. Not only do I want my least-favorite NFL team to defeat my precious Bengals. I want an absolute annihilation. I want it to be over after 10 minutes. I want Jake Browning to start the second half. I want Sean Clifford to see some action. Make it so ugly that Joe Burrow immediately reverses course, and announces his plans to sit out the rest of this season. Please.

Literally nothing good happens if Cincy closes the campaign in competitive fashion. This is obviously not a playoff squad; don’t fling away an opportunity at a franchise-altering prospect because you wanted to win a couple of meaningless matchups. I’m breaking out the Terrible Towel as we speak.

Prediction 3: Both Patrick Mahomes and Bo Nix finish with a passer rating below 90.0.

Those who hate defensive struggles should run away from this football game. A lot of third-and-longs, throwaways, and field-goal attempts are on the horizon.

I’m seeing Steve Spagnuolo in head-coaching rumors, and he’s absolutely earned his way back into those discussions. Let’s get Vance Joseph in there, as well. That guy got handed the keys in Denver back in 2017, and was forced to spend his brief tenure working with Trevor Siemian, Brock Osweiler, Paxton Lynch, and Case Keenum. The 53-year-old deserves an earnest chance.

These two quarterbacks should be prepared for some frustrating moments. I’m feeling an 18-15 final.

Prediction 4: AJ Brown logs 5+ receptions and scores a touchdown on Sunday Night Football.

I’m a fan of Nick Sirianni, but it’s odd to see him getting testy with the Philadelphia media about this AJ Brown situation. Like, there’s a very simple solution to the whole saga. Maybe… give the ball to your superstar wide receiver?

AJ’s stats through ten weeks - or lack thereof - are jarring, to say the least. Behind Olamide Zaccheaus in receptions. Behind Hunter Henry in yards. Behind Tez Johnson in touchdowns. Behind Harold Fannin Jr. in targets. He’s definitely gone too far with the complaining, but I can’t fault his frustration.

I talked about this drama at the start of October, and it’s only gotten more contentious since. Let’s speak a solid performance into existence here, and simmer the tension on national television.

Prediction 5: Ashton Jeanty tallies 80+ rushing yards against the Cowboys.

My sweet prince has failed to reach this benchmark in eight of his nine games. Watch the Raiders’ offensive line operate for a quarter, and you’ll understand why.

Jeanty is from the Dallas area, and should have some extra juice. Jerry Jones apparently believes that one defensive tackle and an aging linebacker can solve a unit’s inability to stop the run; the man is sorely mistaken. I think Ashton enjoys a big evening in front of his family and friends in North Texas.

  • Week 10 Results: 2-3

  • Overall Season Picks Record: 21-29

  • Current NFL Prize Pot: $290

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I like to think I’m pretty close in comparison to Aaron Rodgers.

Rams QB Jimmy Garoppolo before the 2014 NFL Draft.

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