Welcome to Glass Slipper! Hunter Greene, I need you healthy; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

I recently unveiled the 13 college football teams that have a chance of winning the national title. It’s time we break down each of those squads. The LSU Tigers sit at No. 6 on my list.

Offense

Garrett Nussmeier has never been held under 233 passing yards in a start. His father is a current NFL offensive coordinator. The pure arm talent is superior to that of both Joe Burrow and Jayden Daniels. He’s smart, confident, and brings zero off-field issues.

So, why was Garrett not the obvious No. 1 overall selection back in April’s draft? Well, I may have conveniently omitted a very important aspect of his game from that description. Twice every contest, he makes a what-in-the-world-are-you-doing throw that will leave you staring at the television in utter bewilderment. It’s like clockwork. Eight picks in four ranked matchups last season. I suppose it’s rather unfair to compare him to his Heisman-winning predecessors, so this is the last time I’ll do it. Nussmeier has tallied 44 total touchdowns and 19 interceptions to this point. Burrow and Daniels combined in their LSU tenures? 167 and 18. Yeah. Take care of that ball, man.

Quite frankly, the 23-year-old signal-caller does not seem like a huge fan of contact. For his sake, I hope that mindset has changed this offseason. Only one starter up front is back; Garrett better be fully prepared to deliver accurately in the face of bloodthirsty rushers. I personally believe he’s up to the task.

Caden Durham gives me Doug Martin vibes. Powerful, surprisingly light on his feet, and shorter than me. With Josh Williams not around to vulture carries anymore, I see the Tigers’ lead back clawing his way into first-team All-SEC conversations. Meanwhile, this is a terrific group of wideouts. Nic Anderson was second among power-conference receivers in yards per catch in his lone healthy campaign at Oklahoma. Barion Brown and his blistering track speed will serve as the perfect complement. It may be a toasty take, but I’ll take Aaron Anderson over any other slot guy in America. Two-sport behemoth Trey’Dez Green as the No. 4 option? This group is going to post some big numbers, folks.

Defense

It’s been almost a decade since the Tigers finished top-25 nationally in points allowed per game. That’s an absolutely staggering statistic; we’re talking about a program that used to hang its hat on systematically destroying elite attacks. Oh, your running back deserves Heisman love? Let’s see him get to 75 yards in Death Valley. Those days are long gone. Offensive stars lick their lips when they see a matchup against LSU on the schedule now, and it’s rather sad.

If we’re going to witness a step towards that vintage stinginess, Harold Perkins Jr. and Patrick Payton - both of whom looked like potential first-rounders once upon a time - have to return to their havoc-wreaking ways. Harold needs to stay on the field. Patrick needs to at least act like he cares about football. Try as he might, Whit Weeks can’t create an intimidating front seven all by himself.

This secondary is really flying under the radar. I’m sensing a star leap from Ashton Stamps, with All-ACC transfer Mansoor Delane working on the opposite boundary. Maybe the wildly gifted DJ Pickett rotates in on obvious passing downs, too. I will never be confused for a Brian Kelly superfan, but he deserves credit for adding ballhawks to this crew on the back end. Delane, Tamarcus Cooley, and AJ Haulcy combined for twelve interceptions in 2024; that’s double the amount that the Tigers’ entire squad recorded. Fixing the negative turnover margin starts with Nussmeier, but the defense can also take some responsibility.

We don’t have to wait long to find out where LSU is at on this side of the ball. It’s Cade Klubnik in Week 1, and DJ Lagway fourteen days later. Blake Baker is the highest-paid assistant coach in the nation, and he has an extremely enviable blend of talent and experience at his disposal. It’s time for results.

Season Outlook

Pre-Bowl Record Prediction: 10-2

Selection Sunday Fan Mood: Four baseball titles since 2000. Three football titles since 2003. A women’s basketball title in 2023. A gymnastics title in 2024. Your school can’t hang. We’re about to get another one.

Pressroom

Spin It

“Stop and Stare” by OneRepublic. Almost forgot about it.