Welcome to Glass Slipper! The Cardinals are bad at baseball again, and that makes me happy; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Let’s take a little break from our college football preview countdown. I will discuss the final five teams here in a few days. Today, we’re going to talk about Pete Carroll.

The moment I heard the news that Seattle was firing its longtime head coach back in January, I started thinking about his next job. There’s literally no way that Pete is done with football. It does not matter how old he is. Have you seen this dude’s behavior on the sidelines? He’s the most energetic coach in the sport, constantly displaying his unrelenting positivity. Clapping, chomping on his wad of gum, smiling. He still loves it.

There weren’t a ton of NFL openings out there that felt like a good match. Maybe he would’ve fit with the Chargers. Perhaps the Raiders could have worked. But both teams went in a different direction, and Carroll didn’t seem all that interested anyway.

So why not a return to the college world? And what better place than a USC program that he already turned back into a powerhouse in the 2000s? It almost makes too much sense to me. But every time I propose this plan to other college football fans, they react like I just told them that Iowa was going to average 50 points a game this year. My opponents in these debates love to use three main points to argue why my hypothetical could never happen. Allow me to debunk all of them right now.

1. “He’s too old.”

Yes, Pete Carroll is 72. But he’s the same age as Nick Saban, who retired this year and was arguably still the best coach in America when he left. He’s the same age as Bill Belichick, who is going to be in charge of the Cowboys or Bills in six months. He’s the same age as Mack Brown, who immediately revitalized North Carolina and is still doing good stuff there.

Maybe Pete wouldn’t be able to hit the recruiting trails quite as hard as he used to. But does he really need to be flying all over the country? He’s won a Super Bowl and two national championships, and he’d be employed at a beautiful LA school. Kids will be flocking to come play for him.

2. “What about the scandal?”

If you’ve forgotten, Carroll’s first tenure at USC ended when he ran out the back door just before the program was punished for those infamous violations. The team has never returned to the realm of true contenders since the sanctions were imposed. There’s no doubt that Pete’s actions left the Trojans in a dark place.

I think this is a perfect full circle moment, where Carroll can atone for his past mistakes by leading USC back to glory. Plus, those that believe there’s still friction between the school and its former coach were disproven yesterday.

The Trojans are already paying him to teach a class. It’s not that crazy to pay him to lead the football team.

3. “USC doesn’t need him.”

I’ll respond to this one with a table. This is USC football over the past six seasons, lined up against a mystery Power Five program. You know the drill; take your best guess.

Team B? Wake Forest. Wake. Forest. In no world should the University of Southern California ever be producing similar results as Wake Forest. Sorry. The Demon Deacons have a pretty campus and some cool uniforms. They also have a student population under 6,000, and are totally devoid of athletic resources. That is an unacceptable set of numbers for USC, and things are not getting much better. One of the most talented quarterbacks to ever touch a football just exited. Prized 2025 recruit Julian Lewis is on the brink of flipping to Indiana. Don’t tell me things would get worse under Pete Carroll.

I think there’s a decent chance that the Trojans fall short of 10 wins this year. If that’s the case, Lincoln Riley’s seat is going to get awfully warm. His eventual replacement will be perched at the front of a nearby lecture hall, waiting in the wings.

Pressroom

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“Still The One” by Ingrid Michaelson. Enjoy.