Welcome to Glass Slipper! A vintage Jameis Winston stat line; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from Week 13 of the NFL season.

1. Levels.

This is one of the weirder analogies I’ve made in a while, but the thing that differentiates Matt LaFleur from Mike McDaniel is the same separator between Marcus Smart and Patrick Beverley. One guy is obsessed with winning, and the other just thinks it’s fun to go viral. I genuinely think McDaniel cares more about sounding cool on the microphone than the outcome of the game. Oh, one of my quirky quotes made it to the ESPN Instagram page? And there were laughing emojis in the caption? That’s a victory in itself!

2. Good riddance.

Alright, Chicago. The nightmare man is gone. What’s next?

There is one individual who has clearly staked his claim as the hottest head coaching candidate in the sport, and matching him with the No. 1 pick makes a ton of sense. But would Ben Johnson really go to a division rival, a year after he showed his loyalty by sticking with Detroit? I suppose Dan Quinn pulled a similar move, and I can’t imagine he has any regrets.

What if another franchise snaps Johnson up first? Is Bill Belichick Plan B? Marcus Freeman? Do you take a chance on Brian Flores after his toxic relationship with Tua Tagovailoa? I believe that the Bears have their franchise quarterback in the building. Thus, the upcoming hire will alter the course of the organization forever. You absolutely have to get this right.

3. Regression to the mean.

I’m convinced that Kirk Cousins’ lone football mission is to always stay within the 12-18 range on the list of best quarterbacks in the league. He was starting to tiptoe onto the fringes of the MVP conversation at the midway point, and has since served up a steaming platter of garbage. Zero touchdowns and six(!!) interceptions in his last three.

The calls for Michael Penix Jr. have begun.

4. It’s scouting season.

Now that the Bengals’ campaign is over for sure, it’s time to slink on over to those mock draft machines. I want Benjamin Morrison in Round 1, but I’m open to anyone’s ideas. Season hanging in the balance, and you let an average offense come into your building and drop 44? The roster is an absolute joke.

5. Fire Drew Petzing.

I just watched this man - in the third quarter of a massive contest - dial up a lateral handoff to Emari Demercado into the short side of the field on a 3rd and 6. Of course, I did what a logical person would do and sprinted to his résumé to see if he was actually qualified to be the offensive coordinator of the Cardinals. And… oh. He’s not. Like, at all.

Let’s examine Petzing’s last five years. He was the Vikings’ wide receivers coach in 2019. That was the season where Stefon Diggs grew tired of the organization and Adam Thielen’s production simultaneously dropped off a cliff. Our friend Drew then downgraded and became the leader of Cleveland’s tight ends group. He migrated to the quarterbacks room in 2022; Deshaun Watson and Jacoby Brissett proceeded to combine for 19 passing touchdowns and 15 turnovers. The very next year, Petzing becomes the playcaller in Arizona. If he has earned a headset, you might as well give one to me.

6. Claps for Anthony Richardson.

It was absolutely ridiculous how much criticism Richardson took after asking for a breather in Week 8. Yes, it was a mistake. You’re going to bury the kid because he didn’t handle things perfectly in his tenth NFL appearance?

He deserved to have a moment like that on Sunday. A gutsy 19-play drive on the road, capped by a game-winning two-point conversion to keep Indianapolis in the wild-card chase.

He’ll remember that for a long time.

7. Lamar’s growth.

Let’s take his mobility out of the equation entirely for a moment. He’s Kirk Cousins from the waist down in this hypothetical. Jackson is still an above-average NFL QB. His passing abilities have been underrated since the reign at Boynton Beach, but people don’t seem to realize just how sharp he’s become with that arm. Even on somewhat of an off day, a few of the throws that he made against Philadelphia - the best secondary in football, in my opinion - were amazing.

8. The greatest kicker ever is crumbling

I’m a baseball guy at heart; I know what it looks like when a dude has the yips.

For the first time literally ever, I’m not instantly adding three points to the Ravens’ tally in my mind when Justin Tucker jogs out.

9. A Sunday Night stunner.

The Titans went into Foxborough and ended the Patriots’ dynasty in January of 2020, and I sat there with my jaw dropped for a good 10 minutes. This felt like a mini version of that.

By the way, Buffalo was awesome. Mike Tirico and Cris Collinsworth were so caught up in the fun that they undersold how shocking of a performance that was from San Francisco. I’m not ruling out a late-season charge, but we might look back on that game as the end of an era in the Bay.

10. Time to peek ahead.

In two days, we get Packers-Lions. Then, the Chargers go to Arrowhead on Sunday evening. There’s nothing quite like division battles in December.

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“Never Going Back Again” by Fleetwood Mac. Childhood memories.