Welcome to Glass Slipper! If I’m ever in charge of a basketball team, I’m moving mountains to get Jrue Holiday on the roster; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Let’s start things off today with a little guessing game. On the left side of the table below are Kyler Murray’s career numbers, in games where DeAndre Hopkins played alongside him. The right-hand side of the table features the stats of a mystery quarterback (Player B), over the past two NFL seasons. Inspect things carefully, and take your best guess. Who is Player B?

Well, this might be shocking to some. Player B is Patrick Mahomes. Those columns are essentially identical; the only difference is that the man on the left gets drilled online for being a serious disappointment, and the guy on the right is rightfully parked in the midst of GOAT conversations.

Look, I get it. Winning has a lot to do with the vast discrepancy in their reputations, and I agree that team success should play a factor in our evaluation of quarterbacks. Arizona hasn’t won a playoff game in the Kyler era, while Mahomes has given Kansas City three Super Bowls. I’m not at all arguing that the two guys are interchangeable. But the sample size for that table of numbers is large enough for us to glean something definitive here; when Murray has a true No. 1 weapon, he performs like an MVP.

Guess what? Kyler has that coveted elite receiving threat again. As an Ohio State fan, I almost felt guilty rooting for Marvin Harrison Jr. He was far too good for college football, and his generational skill set will not need time to translate to the pros. At midnight on Saturday (7-27-24), I will grab a complete list of Glass Slipper subscribers; if Harrison plays all 17 games this season and finishes with less than 1,000 receiving yards, every single person is getting a prize. Marv is going to be an immediate superstar, so there’s no need to send me those mailing addresses.

It’s not just the passing attack that will be vastly improved for the Cardinals. These guys are better everywhere. I’ve loved each of Arizona’s past two draft classes, which included a total of 11 picks in the first three rounds. Eight of those kids are offensive tackles, wide receivers, edge rushers, or cornerbacks. That’s a burst of high-level young talent being added at the four most important non-quarterback positions in the sport. After being operated by incompetent leaders for years, this franchise is finally starting to build the right way.

That leads us to Jonathan Gannon. The second-year head coach has exhibited some odd behavior in the past, and is quirky enough to have drawn comparisons to Dunder Mifflin’s very own Michael Scott. But the way this team fought for Gannon down the stretch last year was noteworthy. The Cardinals started 1-8, then pieced together a 3-5 finish with absolutely nothing on the line. Murray returned from injury to lead this late-season push, and Arizona saved its best performance for a matchup against Gannon’s old friends in Philadelphia. If nothing else, the guys in the locker room seem happy with their young regional manager.

The NFC West is a gauntlet, but the conference as a whole is not. The 2024 Cardinals are going to lurk around the playoff picture, and I would not be stunned if they end up sneaking in there. This is a really good quarterback, in charge of a promising young team. A fun year is ahead, Arizona fans.

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“Karma Chameleon” by Culture Club. Better than any song in The Beatles’ discography. I said it.