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Five bold predictions for Week 5 of the NFL season.
Welcome to Glass Slipper! You didn’t think think Shohei would homer in his postseason debut? That’s pretty weird of you; please enjoy the show.
- Jacob Rhee
Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.
Prediction 1: Caleb Williams finishes with 200+ total yards, 2+ total touchdowns, and 0 interceptions against the Panthers.
Dave Canales vs. Matt Eberflus on a Sunday afternoon at Soldier Field? Do me a favor. No, do yourself a favor. Don’t watch this football game. Please. Do not subject yourself to that. You deserve far better. Go to the pumpkin patch with your family or something. Just check the box score later to find out if I got this prediction correct. Don’t tune in.
Prediction 2: Baltimore commits 2+ turnovers and loses to Cincinnati.
The Ravens have protected the ball all year, and they’re facing a defense that hasn’t looked particularly interested in competing. But Lou Anarumo has earned the benefit of the doubt; I trust that his unit will show up in a must-win situation.
My Bengals were gifted an incredibly friendly schedule, and yet their campaign could be all but over in a few hours. We’re about to find out if these dudes care.
Prediction 3: Stefon Diggs finishes with 100+ receiving yards against the Bills.
It just has to happen, right? We all know about the drama between Diggs and Buffalo. The 30-year-old wideout is undoubtedly licking his chops to destroy his old friends. When we include the playoffs, Stefon hasn’t reached 100 receiving yards in any of his last 17 games. That’s a full football season. If he gets there today, it’s revenge and not coincidence.
From their actions - and their words, even - you can tell how much the Bills wanted to get rid of Diggs. They were willing to send him to a fellow conference heavyweight, and accepted two flimsy late-round picks in return. Perhaps both the player and the team are better off apart, but Buffalo will be feeling the sting this afternoon.
Prediction 4: Jacksonville beats Indianapolis for its first win of the year.
It’s among the weirdest streaks in sports, and I’ve never seen someone come up with a logical explanation for it. For whatever reason, the Colts cannot beat the Jaguars in Jacksonville. The last time it happened, I was a freshman in high school.
EverBank Stadium is not a particularly difficult place to play, and Indy has generally been the better squad in recent years. It’s a truly inexplicable trend. But surely it can’t extend any longer, right? The Jags are the only winless team in the league, and their coach is a clown. All signs point to a Colts victory.
Nope. The streak lives on.
Prediction 5: Ezekiel Elliott scores at least one touchdown, and the Cowboys defeat the Steelers.
Look, I have no rational reasoning for this one. When I think of Dallas and Pittsburgh on the same field, I immediately have memories of that 2016 instant classic. Elliott tallied 209 total yards and 3 total touchdowns, and officially arrived as the best running back in the NFL as a rookie.
We’re in for some flashbacks. Zeke almost never touches the ball these days, but he’ll find a way to get into the end zone tonight and contribute to a big road win.
Week 4 Results: 2-3
Overall Season Picks Record: 5-15
Current NFL Prize Pot: $150
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