Welcome to Glass Slipper! No one has ever watched the Pro Bowl Games; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways through 14 weeks of the NBA season.

1. Elite company.

Christian Braun currently owns 57-38-83 shooting splits. That felt historic to me, so I figured I’d embark on a little research project. Let’s find out how many guys have ever done that over a full season. We’ll put in a minimum of six total three-pointers attempted, to cut out those players with tiny sample sizes from distance. Here’s the complete list.

• Nikola Jokic (2020-21)

Yeah. Jokic’s first MVP campaign. If I can flex for a moment, I picked Braun to win Most Improved Player before this year. He probably won’t get it, but I feel vindicated nonetheless.

2. Amen Thompson defies physics.

I brought this up in December, and the on-court feats have only gotten crazier since. I legitimately think he’s one of the ten most athletic human beings walking this Earth.

If the jumper starts falling, it’s over for everyone.

3. All of the lights.

The Knicks desperately need that No. 2 seed, and they know it. A second-round series with Boston feels inevitable at this point; you need Game 7 of that thing in Madison Square Garden. Every contest is important for New York.

4. De’Aaron Fox’s next destination.

Apparently, he wants San Antonio. He should. Tying your future to Victor Wembanyama is a prudent decision.

I’m just kind of taken aback by this turn of events. It’s not often that a young franchise face is so open to becoming a sidekick elsewhere. Unless I’m forgetting something, I don’t think it’s happened since Anthony Davis in 2019. It’ll be awfully weird to see Fox in a different uniform.

5. Push every chip in.

The Cavs are good enough to steal a title. They emptied the vault to acquire Donovan Mitchell, and now it’s time to exchange any remaining expendable assets for win-now pieces. Throw caution to the wind. Who cares about the future?

That 2031 first-round pick is tradable, and I’m sure some GMs out there like Jaylon Tyson. Get a bankable wing in return, and live with the long-term consequences later.

6. Two-time All-Star.

Before we move on from Cleveland, I just want to discuss Darius Garland for a minute. On the left side of the table below are his current numbers. On the right side is Steph Curry in 2014-15, through the Warriors’ first 48 games.

Pretty similar, huh? In case you forgot, Curry won the MVP that season. All the clowns that were putting Darius in trade rumors this summer owe that kid an apology. He’s not going anywhere.

7. Punishing the Joker.

The Knicks held Nikola Jokic to a 17-6-6 line on Wednesday evening. Do you want to know how they did it? Well, a Nuggets opponent finally followed the gameplan that I’ve screaming about for years.

Attack Jokic on every single possession. Call him into a million pick-and-rolls. Go out of your way to collide with him on drives. So what if it disrupts your offense for a few minutes? One of two things will happen. Either Nikola will step aside and cede easy buckets, or he’ll pick up a couple personals and get replaced by DeAndre Jordan. Both are fantastic outcomes.

The philosophy here is pretty simple. Jokic can’t hurt you when he’s sitting down with foul trouble. He’s going to eviscerate you when he’s standing up. You should probably find a way to make him sit down.

8. What’s wrong with Jayson Tatum?

A back-to-back-to-back first-team All-NBA forward has now shot below 50% from the floor in 17 of his last 18 games. That’s kind of… impossible?

Celtics fans are generally pretty knowledgeable about basketball, but they sure do make me chuckle. He’s getting doubled! Of course the numbers aren’t pretty! Teams are showing him multiple bodies! Cry me a river. How does this sound? I’ll wait here while you find me an elite offensive guy who gets to go one-on-one each night. Best of luck!

Tatum is unbelievably talented, and he also has the most lethal supporting cast of any No. 1 option in the league; he shouldn’t need these weak excuses.

9. Warmest regards.

Rumor has it that New Orleans is interested in a Jimmy Butler deal, and Pat Riley should pull the trigger immediately. Oh, you want to make fun of me on social media? Have fun jockeying for position in the Cooper Flagg chase, pal.

If we’re getting petty, let’s go all the way. A full-fledged spite trade would be quite the fitting conclusion to this childishly chaotic saga.

10. Who got snubbed from the All-Star Game?

Literally only Domantas Sabonis. Throw him in, yank James Harden out, and you have the perfect rosters. Enough with the complaining, everyone.

No, 32-loss LaMelo Ball did not get robbed. Kyrie Irving has missed over 20% of Dallas’s games. Devin Booker - who evidently decided to stop playing defense after the Olympics - wasn’t deserving, either. Trae Young has been too inefficient. Tyrese Maxey is 11th in the putrid East. None of them got selected, and none of them deserved it. Poor Sabonis should be punching air, but he’s the only one with a valid complaint.

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