Welcome to Glass Slipper! Deep down, we all knew the Robert Saleh era was going to end this way; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from Week 5 of the NFL season.

1. The Kirk Cousins story.

How are we supposed to respond when our kids inevitably find Kirk Cousins’ name on some of these all-time stats leaderboards, and ask us if he was good? Umm… well, he was pretty good. But he had below-average arm talent, couldn’t move, and never did anything in the playoffs. So I guess… he wasn’t that good. I don’t really know, actually.

Something along those lines?

2. A star is born.

That felt like a turning point for Caleb Williams. 338 total yards, two touchdowns, and no turnovers. Accurate, aggressive, and noticeably more poised. It was the 2022 USC version of Caleb.

Chicago fans should be thrilled with the progress. They finally have their guy.

3. A Queen City comedy.

The Bengals are hilarious. I just watched our head coach take the ball out of the hands of his $275 million quarterback, and then ice his own field goal unit.

The calls for Zac Taylor’s job feel a little bit harsh; that guy did take us to a Super Bowl, and he’s helped change the course of this franchise. But that was an unforgettable meltdown, and it probably wiped away Cincinnati’s fading postseason chances.

4. Wake up!

Absolutely no one is talking about Brian Thomas Jr., and I don’t have any idea why that is. He’s been objectively better than the oft-discussed Marvin Harrison Jr., and the numbers are right there with those of Malik Nabers.

LSU is a proven wide receiver factory, and it sure looks like it cranked out two more stars at the position in this 2024 draft class.

5. Poor Drake Maye.

These have been legitimately unsafe working conditions for Jacoby Brissett. He got swarmed and hit all day by arguably the worst front seven in football on Sunday. Now New England is throwing Drake Maye behind its turnstile offensive line, and he’ll be stuck taking those weekly shots for the rest of the campaign.

Fingers crossed that the kid makes it out of here healthy. Unfortunately, I have a hard time believing that he does.

6. Exit stage left.

He only played 11 snaps, but I know a washed athlete when I see one. Odell Beckham Jr. is done. That man is no longer an NFL player.

His career was certainly entertaining, but it feels like it’s coming to a close.

7. Evaluation time.

Deshaun Watson just played his 17th game - exactly one full season - with the Browns. That makes it really convenient for us to judge his performance with the franchise thus far. Let’s take a look at the stats.

• Completed 60.0% of his passes

• 3,096 passing yards

• 19 passing touchdowns

• 12 interceptions

Oh. He’s trash.

8. Another Niners choke.

Look, San Francisco is going to be totally fine. I don’t have any long-term concerns, and I honestly still think the No. 1 seed in the conference is still in play. Kyle Shanahan’s crew is playing one embarrassing brand of football right now, though. Up 23-10 at the break, against a struggling division rival in your own home stadium? I don’t want any excuses about your kicker getting hurt. You have to win that game.

The Niners have eight straight opponents with winning records next on the schedule. These guys better wake up fast.

9. Nothing special.

My football instincts are correct again. The two-week New Orleans reign of terror smelled fake, and it clearly was. I hope Derek Carr is alright, but this team is missing the playoffs either way. Jalen Milroe would look pretty nice in a Saints jersey, don’t you think?

10. Time to peek ahead.

It’s pretty funny that the NFL’s attempt to grow the game is sending the Jaguars and Bears to London. Even those of us that are already into the sport are sleeping through that one.

Anyway, the Week 6 slate is highlighted by four fascinating matchups. In two days, San Francisco travels to Seattle; we’ll see if the Niners can complete their quest to collapse against every NFC West foe. Monday Night Football features the Jets and the Bills, who are each trying to avoid a three-game losing streak. We get Commanders-Ravens and Lions-Cowboys on Sunday.

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“All The Right Moves” by OneRepublic. It’s a nostalgia day.