Welcome to Glass Slipper! Joe Burrow can do whatever he wants with his hair, as long as he brings me a Super Bowl; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every baseball fan knows the number. 762. Even after taking his steroid use into account, it’s almost unfathomable how Barry Bonds launched that many homers. It was an incredible combination of power, consistency, and durability. Thus, many consider his home run record to be eternally unbreakable. The league has cracked down on cheating, and pitching has never been better; there’s just no chance any modern hitter could even get into the same area code as Bonds. Right?

Not so fast, as the great Lee Corso might say. A lot of us want to see a player who isn’t receiving Big Muscle Fluid injections sitting on the throne. We’re always searching for potential candidates, and I think I found Bonds’ main threat.

The young 6-foot-3, 220-pound superstar shortstop is on track to hit 38 bombs this year. As he gets stronger and more accustomed to MLB pitching, he’ll have multiple seasons with more. But just to be on the safe side, let’s use that 38-homer pace and extrapolate it over the next 12 years of Henderson’s career.

In such a scenario, the left-handed slugger would be sitting at 526 dingers heading into his age-36 campaign. That’s an unrealistic amount of work to do down the home stretch to catch Bonds. Fortunately for Gunnar, I’ve created a three-step blueprint to get him a bit closer than that.

1. Switch Positions

Henderson needs to get away from shortstop to have a chance. Staying healthy is a prerequisite for climbing the all-time home run leaderboards, and having to turn 90 double plays on defense each year won’t help that cause. Slide over to third base, then start going wild at the team buffets. Bulk up to 240, and watch those deep flyouts turn into moonshots.

This position switch is going to happen anyway. Jackson Holliday - the top prospect in all of baseball - is coming to take over the Orioles’ shortstop job soon. Step one of the plan is essentially complete.

2. Stay in Baltimore

Gunnar is already with an organization that maximizes his plate appearances by batting him in the leadoff spot. The decision to deepen the left-field fence at Camden Yards will keep some of his balls in play, unfortunately. But that wall in right is inviting, and so are the other parks in the AL East. Yankee Stadium is notoriously tiny. The Blue Jays compete in a hitter-friendly venue. My weak body could probably send one out of Fenway Park if I hit it down the right-field line. Tropicana Field isn’t massive, either. If this kid spends his entire career in Baltimore, he’ll run into some homers without even trying.

3. Benefit from Permanently Juiced Baseballs

This is obviously out of Henderson’s control, but it could absolutely happen. Pretty much everyone suspects that MLB has already used juiced baseballs on and off throughout the past several years. I think it’s rather likely that the league puts these springy balls back into circulation, and maybe even does so for good. Offenses are floundering, and 2-1 games aren’t great for TV ratings. At some point, Rob Manfred will throw up his hands and hit the button to order more home runs. If that day comes soon - and it feels like it might - Gunnar has his entire career to take advantage.

MLB needs a new home run king, and Gunnar Henderson is the man for the job. We can only hope that he’s wise enough to follow my advice.

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