Welcome to Glass Slipper! I miss prime Wes Matthews; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from the NFL conference championship games.

1. Bayou brilliance.

In 2019, eight of the 50 best players in the NFL came from Ohio State. Ezekiel Elliott, Michael Thomas, Cam Heyward, Taylor Decker, Denzel Ward, Marshon Lattimore, and the Bosa brothers.

LSU is starting to inch towards that level of development dominance right now; I could argue that the Tigers claim six of the top 30 at the moment. Joe Burrow, Justin Jefferson, and Ja’Marr Chase are locks. Derek Stingley and Danielle Hunter linger around the cutoff point. And Jayden Daniels? Yes, I know he just lost by 32. It doesn’t matter; he’s in there, too.

2. What is Washington’s biggest need?

An edge rusher. More specifically, Jack Sawyer.

The Commanders could really use a guy who thrives against the run, matches the energy of the fan base, and is ready to contribute immediately. I know a young man from Pickerington North.

3. Jealousy, jealousy.

The Eagles took their last five top-40 draft picks, and created the foundation for a defense that’s going to be an absolute problem in the NFC for the next decade. Jordan Davis, Jalen Carter, Nolan Smith, Quinyon Mitchell, Cooper DeJean. 5-for-5, with three home runs. Prime Mike Trout in Yankee Stadium kind of stuff.

Meanwhile, my Bengals have not nailed a single selection since Ja’Marr Chase four years ago. Words can’t explain how envious I am.

4. Pipe down.

I genuinely believe that some people enjoy being wrong. Like, it must give them a rush or something. What other conclusion can I draw when I see a good portion of the NFL world still clowning Nick Sirianni and Jalen Hurts?

This is the only NFC coach-quarterback duo to make two Super Bowls in the past decade. The skeptics are running thin on valid arguments.

5. Silver medal.

Aaron Donald is obviously the best defender of this generation. Is… is Chris Jones the runner-up?

Six straight Pro Bowls, six straight All-Pros, and he’s competing for Lombardi Trophy No. 4 two Sundays from now. I’m moving closer and closer to a yes.

6. More misery.

The second, third, and fourth best quarterbacks in the world have now logged a combined 26 professional campaigns, and there are no rings in sight. You know which three dudes I’m talking about.

I was convinced that 2022 was Cincinnati’s time. Buffalo put it all together a season ago. Baltimore seemed ready this year. Each of those runs ended at the hands of that big, bad squad from Missouri. At least we’re not alone, Bengals folks.

7. Get Josh Allen a WR1.

Keon Coleman is not that good at football. I can feel Bills Mafia racing into my Twitter DMs to launch a debate, and that’s okay. At his peak, he’ll be a fringe second option. Since graduating high school in 2021, Keon has posted exactly zero 800-yard receiving seasons. That’s generally not what stars do.

Buffalo has had a long-standing aversion to drafting a wideout in the first round, but it feels necessary now. Davante Adams and Tyreek Hill are the only two No. 1 dudes that might be available on the trade market, and I can’t imagine they’ll get moved within the division. Ask Allen to identify his three favorite prospects in the class, then go get one of them.

8. Kansas City’s GOAT.

No, I’m not referring to Patrick Mahomes. Or Travis Kelce. Or Andy Reid. Or the refs. This is an ode to Steve Spagnuolo, the greatest coordinator in the history of the league.

He took down the 18-0 Patriots in 2007, then helped build a dynasty with a fairly average collection of talent on defense. It’s no longer up for debate.

9. Protein powder.

No matter how run-heavy or pass-happy football becomes in the future, one thing will never, ever change. Great offensive lines win.

It’s the Eagles’ first play from scrimmage, and everyone on the planet knows who’s getting the ball. Saquon Barkley is 13 yards downfield by the time he gets touched, on a simple toss left. Meanwhile, Patrick Mahomes has the freedom to glide forward in the pocket on pretty much every dropback. When front offices place an emphasis on putting together an elite group up front, they always get rewarded.

10. Time to peek ahead.

All of the pretenders are gone; let’s crown a champion. The Eagles and the Chiefs, on February 9th in New Orleans. It’s almost here.

Pressroom

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“Sh-Boom” by The Chords. Of course.