Welcome to Glass Slipper! It’s going to be a fun week of media sessions for Coach Prime; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: Caleb Williams finishes with 2+ total touchdowns and beats the Colts.

His current coaching staff is relentlessly inept, but Williams will be just fine in this league nonetheless. The amount of personal criticisms he receives from real adults online is absolutely ridiculous, and I’m excited for him to silence those folks with his play.

He’ll finally start getting into the end zone this week, against a vulnerable Colts squad. Maybe Shane Waldron comes to the realization that Chicago’s offensive line is garbage, and actually works to help Caleb reach his postgame press conference fully healthy. I might be asking for too much out of that dude, though.

Prediction 2: The Eagles defeat the Saints by 10+ points.

I’ve decided that this New Orleans dominance is fake. Especially the Derek Carr part of it. Why would I believe two weeks of brilliance over a full decade of mediocrity? The true colors will begin to show this afternoon.

Meanwhile, Nick Sirianni’s seat is getting warm; a new batch of Eagles fans seems to turn on him each day. I don’t totally agree with this latest round of criticism. Trusting your new $38 million running back to catch a simple pass to seal a game isn’t the most outlandish thing I’ve ever heard. I guess… he should’ve known that Saquon and his cement hands wouldn’t reel it in? It feels a bit harsh for folks to watch a player drop a ball that both you and I could’ve caught, and then whirl around and blame the head coach. Regardless, Sirianni really needs a victory to quell the anger of his fan base. I think he gets an emphatic one on the road.

Prediction 3: Malik Willis finishes with 2+ total touchdowns and beats the Titans.

There are few things in sports cooler than a revenge game. The Titans never gave Malik a chance to be the guy, and drafted Will Levis immediately after his rookie season. They’ll pay the price for kicking him to the curb so quickly.

Brian Callahan was an integral piece of the Bengals’ revival, and I’ll always be grateful for that. He’s in for a rough year, though. Levis makes some gross decisions, and the defensive personnel is highly unimpressive. Willis has two total touchdowns in his entire career; he’ll match that number in this contest.

Prediction 4: The Ravens and Rams both fall to 0-3.

It’s very rare that Baltimore finds itself nearing a must-win situation before the postseason, let alone in September. Well, here we are. It’s Dallas today, Buffalo in a week, and Cincinnati on October 6. If the Ravens don’t win at least two of three, they’re in serious, serious danger. They may get it done against their fellow AFC heavyweights, but I have the Cowboys topping them this afternoon.

I’m hearing a lot of people fire off excuses to help shield the Rams from criticism, but San Francisco is every bit as banged-up. No Christian McCaffrey, no Deebo Samuel, no George Kittle, and it won’t matter. Brock Purdy has his first standout performance of the year, and the Niners roll in SoFi.

Prediction 5: Joe Burrow finishes with 250+ passing yards and 3+ total touchdowns, and beats the Commanders.

Having faith in the Bengals at any point during the first month of a season is dangerous. But Ja’Marr Chase is heated, Tee Higgins is back, and the entire group wants to flush away the feeling of that brutal Kansas City loss.

My only concern here is that Cincinnati puts Washington away before Burrow has a chance to reach these benchmarks. There’s a decent chance that Joe gets yanked early; I don’t think this game will be particularly close.

• Week 2 Results: 2-3

• Overall Season Picks Record: 2-8

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $80

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