Welcome to Glass Slipper! Rest in peace to Reds legend Pete Rose; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from Week 4 of the NFL season.

1. Is Arthur Smith still lurking somewhere?

The Falcons spent a top-ten pick on Bijan Robinson, and they refuse to give him the football. 11 touches? That’s flat-out unacceptable. The inevitable Younghoe Koo bailed Atlanta out, but freezing out your star running back for a second straight season is ridiculous.

2. The Bengals!

Oh, hey! Look! Cincinnati won a football game!

Let’s not get our hopes up too much, fellow Bengals fans. This defense is a wet paper bag. If Evan McPherson misses that late field goal, this thing would’ve probably gone to overtime.

3. Bye, Doug.

Doug Pederson isn’t technically gone yet, but it’s only a matter of time now. There’s no way he has control over the locker room after throwing his players under the bus like that in his postgame presser.

He should be out immediately, and the dude probably doesn’t deserve another chance. I cannot believe this man won a Super Bowl.

4. Who’s warming up?

Confession time. I didn’t know Joe Flacco was on the Colts until… well, Sunday afternoon. I found out when he jogged onto the field.

Flacco has had one of the weirdest NFL careers ever. He’s 18th on the all-time passing yardage list, has a Super Bowl MVP on the mantel, and is also a zero-time Pro Bowler. In the middle of his prime, he had a campaign in which he threw 19 touchdowns and 22 interceptions. Here he is at 39 years old, handing the Steelers their first loss. I’m not complaining.

5. A New York rockfight.

The funniest part of that Broncos-Jets ugly-fest? Bo Nix finished with 12 completions for 60 yards, and Courtland Sutton had three catches for 60 yards. After a little math, we realize that the rest of Denver’s receivers combined for nine catches and zero yards. By the way, the Broncos won the game. Hilarity.

6. He doesn’t miss.

Believe it or not, Jayden Daniels had accuracy issues in his first two years at Arizona State. Here are the kid’s completion percentages ever since.

2021 (ASU): 65.4%

2022 (LSU): 68.6%

2023 (LSU): 72.2%

2024 (Commanders): 82.1%

He’s special.

7. Any questions?

I hope all of the Brock Purdy Is A Product Of His System folks were watching on Sunday. The guy was running for his life, and operating strictly off schedule. What happened? He made play after play after play, and powered San Francisco to a much-needed 17-point win.

Purdy made one mistake when he got too greedy, but he passed the eye test all day long. That’s one of the ten best quarterbacks on Earth.

8. A chorus of laughter.

It’s always funny when Deshaun Watson loses. But it’s truly hysterical when his opponent is the least talented team in the conference, with its two good players injured.

Poor Browns fans. Even though I can’t stand the team, you guys deserve far better than to be forced to watch this clown play quarterback.

9. Perfection.

Not a bad way for Jared Goff to bounce back from a disappointing start to the season. 18 of 18 for 292 yards, two passing touchdowns, and a receiving touchdown. Really impressive stuff from the man that is somehow still in his twenties.

Goff has quietly become one of the more underrated QBs of this generation. 59 passing touchdowns and 19 picks over the past two years. Internet darling Justin Herbert in that same time frame? 55 and 17. If you think Herbert is elite - which is totally reasonable, by the way - just make sure to show Jared the same respect.

10. Time to peek ahead.

What do these four teams have in common?

• Bengals

• Dolphins

• Browns

• Rams

They all came in with playoff expectations, and have sputtered to a 1-3 start. Well, we’ve reached gut check time. Cincinnati has Baltimore. The Dolphins go to Foxborough after getting booed by their own fans for two hours last night. Cleveland faces the surprising Commanders. The Rams take on Green Bay. These are all borderline elimination contests; drop four of the first five, and your season is likely over.

We haven’t even mentioned perhaps the two most entertaining games. The Bills travel to Houston, and the Cowboys are in Pittsburgh on Sunday Night Football. This is the best slate of the year thus far. Enjoy it.

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“Thinkin Bout You” by Frank Ocean. We’ll all still be listening to this song in 2050.