Polar Opposite

A recap of Week 8 in college football.

Welcome to Glass Slipper! Not a single Seattle resident will be tuned into the Seahawks game tonight; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from Week 8 of the college football season.

  1. Rebecca Black strikes again.

At some point - and I’m only half-joking - coaches of playoff-contending squads are going to push to outlaw games on Friday night. They’ll claim that the objective is to allow their student-athletes to attend more classes towards the end of the school week. In reality, it’s a bunch of individuals looking to duck the inexplicable chaos that always occurs.

The No. 2 team in America loses at home to Miller Moss. Nebraska gets flame-broiled by Minnesota. I truly can’t grasp why underdogs suddenly wield the power when we shorten the preparation time by 24 hours. We’ll chalk it up to the unique magic of college football.

  1. Pound the table.

The age-old question has arisen once more. What do we do about Brian Kelly?

A fan base should not be permitted to call for the head coach’s job without a somewhat realistic replacement in mind. Fortunately for Tigers folks, I have one. Lane Kiffin.

Please allow me to explain my reasoning before your inevitable scoff-fest commences. While it’s true that Lane experiences similar big-game issues, LSU offers both a larger brand and increased resources. Kiffin would morph into a monster on the recruiting trail; bring his reputation as a transcendent offensive mind to a school that produced two of the last five Heisman winners, and the Tigers would lock down the No. 1 quarterback in the every cycle. By the way, there’s a decent chance that Trinidad Chambliss would follow his guy to Baton Rouge. It’s quite an enticing package deal, for a program stuck in the good-not-great realm.

All is not lost for LSU this season. BK would be hailed as a hero if he managed to run the table. As you might know, I don’t even like Lane Kiffin. I’m simply presenting a logical plan for our friends down in the Bayou if the campaign ends in disaster.

  1. South Carolina blues.

Shane Beamer has a couple letters of thanks to write. One mailed to Happy Valley, and the other hand-delivered to Clemson. Because of those two seismic failures, few will remember that his own group was also a popular playoff pick.

The Gamecocks sit below .500, with three consecutive top-eight opponents ahead. In other words, they’ll be watching bowl games with the rest of us.

  1. Do as you wish.

I think Ole Miss supporters are beginning to realize that their beloved team may have a fatal flaw. The Rebels simply cannot generate pressure on the quarterback. For reference, they’ve tallied 10 total sacks on the year. Texas Tech edge rusher David Bailey has 10.5 by himself. That’s a serious problem, to say the least.

  1. Long time coming.

Grab my preseason thoughts about Gunner Stockton, and hurl them into the sun. I was wrong. The dude makes professional throws, and he consistently trots out his A+ stuff when the Dawgs need him most.

Stockton is the best Georgia signal-caller I’ve seen since Matthew Stafford. That sounds like a blistering take, but feel free to run through the names yourself. Aaron Murray, Jake Fromm, Stetson Bennett, Carson Beck? Give me No. 14.

  1. Back in business.

Just like that, Notre Dame is in the CFP picture. The Irish could very well be double-digit favorites in each of their final five games, and will likely host a Round 1 contest again if they win out. Stop doubting Marcus Freeman.

  1. Enough.

Joey Aguilar tosses a backbreaking pick-six to end the first half against Alabama. What does the crew in the broadcast truck decide to show? And… oh. Yeah, that sounds about right for the infamous four-letter network in question. A cutaway to Joey’s distraught parents in the crowd. What an absolute joke.

I’m sure the families of players agree to be shown on camera; still, it’s not difficult to exercise some common decency. ESPN continues to be the worst.

  1. Last straw.

Florida State announced that Mike Norvell’s job is safe until the end of the season. It’s one of the dumber decisions that any program has made in the past decade.

We didn’t even need that report about Seminoles players making fun of Mike in the locker room. Everyone watched FSU throw in the towel on live television two days ago. Now, the school is essentially telling recruits that it tolerates low effort. After all, the man that is ultimately responsible for the horrendous morale gets to stick around.

The ‘Noles desperately need to find a leader that can bring some juice back to campus. I think I know someone up in Boulder.

  1. My updated Heisman ladder.

1) Jacob Rodriguez, Texas Tech LB

2) Fernando Mendoza, Indiana QB

3) Haynes King, Georgia Tech QB

4) Rueben Bain Jr., Miami (FL) EDGE

5) Ty Simpson, Alabama QB

6) Dante Moore, Oregon QB

7) Cashius Howell, Texas A&M EDGE

8) Julian Sayin, Ohio State QB

9) David Bailey, Texas Tech EDGE

10) Blake Horvath, Navy QB

  1. Time to peek ahead.

Three massive SEC clashes are approaching. Ole Miss and Oklahoma at noon. Missouri and Vanderbilt immediately after. Texas A&M and LSU in primetime. Let’s find out who wants a spot in the field.

Pressroom

I gotta not throw the ball to the other team.

Vikings QB Carson Wentz, after losing to the Eagles.

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