Rock Climb

A list of NFL takeaways after nine weeks.

Welcome to Glass Slipper! In no world is Sauce Gardner worth two first-round picks; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways through nine weeks of the NFL season.

  1. Chasing history.

The Panthers allowed 534 points last season, breaking an NFL record that had stood for 43 years. There’s a pathetic group over in Southwest Ohio that wants the crown.

As a diehard Bengals fan, I want these guys to destroy Carolina’s mark. Give up 700. When people ask Google who the worst defense of all time is, I want there to be a definitive answer. Downright humiliation is the only chance of forcing the front office into actually addressing this mess.

Allow me to lay out the blueprint, in case Duke Tobin is reading. Cincinnati needs a culture-changing prospect in Round 1. Caleb Downs is the obvious answer there. Then, find a youthful and hungry leader to wear the headset. My choice would be Eagles defensive backs coach Christian Parker, who developed Pat Surtain II, Quinyon Mitchell, and Cooper DeJean. Get those two in the building, and maybe I’ll head into 2026 with a little bit of cautious optimism.

  1. A Green Bay bummer.

The Tucker Kraft injury news is heartbreaking. That man was establishing himself as one the league’s most complete tight ends, and we won’t see him in action again until next fall.

Matt LaFleur’s run concepts depend so heavily on the blocking abilities of his pass-catchers. The way Kraft fights for Josh Jacobs is really special, and that aggression at the line of scrimmage certainly won’t be replicated by Luke Musgrave. As someone who picked the Packers to win the Super Bowl, I no longer feel great about it. Tucker is that valuable.

  1. Lopsided.

NBA superstars reside in the West, and elite quarterbacks play in the AFC. Those are the rules. Drake Maye looks like a star, and the imbalance has gotten even more severe. We’ll see how long Patrick Mahomes can keep warding all of these dudes off.

  1. Filling the void.

If Joe Schoen has a job in April, his primary draft task is to find Jaxson Dart another wide receiver. Darius Slayton - who I sincerely believe is the worst starter in the NFL - currently operates as the No. 1 option. That’s really pathetic.

Though I’d love to see Carnell Tate wind up in a more stable environment, this is certainly a logical landing spot. He’s a natural complement to Malik Nabers, and would give New York a lethal duo at the position for the first time since the Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks days.

  1. Unprecedented.

Brock Bowers is the best 22-year-old tight end to ever exist. I don’t need to look it up. It’s unbelievably early, but he’s hitting every checkpoint of a future first-ballot Hall of Famer.

Because they both essentially function as massive slot guys, Bowers will always be compared to Travis Kelce. Based on what we’ve witnessed from the Raiders’ sparkling gem thus far, we might need a higher bar.

  1. Relieved of duties.

FOX infamously yanked its brilliant top analyst out of the lead booth to give Tom Brady a platform to talk about himself. The network insists on pairing Chris Myers and Mark Schlereth, neither of whom are particularly good at their job. Come on. You can make better decisions than this.

  1. The front-runner.

Here’s 2025 Matthew Stafford, next to the first eight contests of Josh Allen’s MVP campaign.

Stafford (2025)

VS.

Allen (2024)

67.2

Completion %

64.1

2,141

Total Yards

1,980

21

Total Touchdowns

17

2

Interceptions

1

113.2

Passer Rating

107.6

6-2

Team Record

6-2

Claiming the award would put an official end to the debate about Stafford’s chances of securing a gold jacket. He’s got nine weeks to go grab it.

  1. Buffalo’s problem.

Keon Coleman is bad. It’s a serious issue, too.

My Bengals got through Kansas City in the playoffs, in large part because they had two dudes that could win consistently on the outside. Coleman was hailed as the Bills’ new go-to weapon. Including the postseason, he’s recorded three receptions or fewer in 19 of his 24 career games. Yikes.

  1. 2K Watch.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba is on pace for 2,014 receiving yards. He’s got a legitimate chance at this, folks.

Jaycee Horn is the only elite corner that I see on Seattle’s remaining schedule, and Jaxon has become matchup-proof anyway. The Seahawks have four divisional clashes ahead, and Sam Darnold should lean on No. 11 even more in those spots. Hold on tight, Megatron.

  1. My updated MVP ladder.

1) Matthew Stafford, Rams QB

2) Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Seahawks WR

3) Drake Maye, Patriots QB

4) Jonathan Taylor, Colts RB

5) Myles Garrett, Browns EDGE

6) James Cook, Bills RB

7) Penei Sewell, Lions OT

8) Brian Burns, Giants EDGE

9) Bijan Robinson, Falcons RB

10) Sam Darnold, Seahawks QB

Pressroom

I may get fired today.

Clemson head football coach Dabo Swinney, after losing to Duke.

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