Rotisserie

A recap of the NFL Divisional round.

Welcome to Glass Slipper! Just stomped through the Detroit airport with Ohio State football gear on. Life is good; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from the Divisional round of the NFL playoffs.

  1. Is the fix in?

Do I actually think that Roger Goodell is instructing the officials to favor the Chiefs? Probably not. Does the league - and thus, Goodell himself - make a bunch of extra dollars with each Patrick Mahomes completion, Travis Kelce catch, and Taylor Swift zoom shot? Oh, yeah. That’s just a fact.

Everything equal, Kansas City likely wins anyway on Saturday. But as a Bengals fan, I know all too well (a little reference for the Swifties) what it feels like to endure a barrage of bogus calls when the Golden Boys are on the other sideline. I can’t help but to have some sympathy for Houston.

  1. Like and subscribe.

There’s no way I saw Amon-Ra St. Brown doing the Cam Ward celebration while down double-digits in the second half of a home playoff game, right? Right?

I may have no choice but to hit the notification bell on Amon-Ra’s brutal podcast, just to see what he has to say for himself. Hey, let’s make fun of Detroit a little bit more…

  1. A Motor City roast session.

Look, I provided advance notice. This was my message to the Lions heading into the postseason.

You spent this entire year running up the score on opponents, and carrying yourself as though five Lombardis were already sitting in the trophy case. The No. 1 seed is in your possession now.

If you fail to reach the mountaintop, it will be my personal mission to make sure that you never hear the end of it.

Well, let the festivities begin. Dan Campbell tried to garner sympathy by blubbering his way through his media session, after he was too full of himself to take the Commanders seriously. Ben Johnson tried to sneak in another one of those cute little trick plays before jetting off to his new job in Chicago, and it resulted in a back-breaking interception. That Ford Field crowd clearly had no respect for Washington, and didn’t bring enough juice to affect Jayden Daniels whatsoever.

It was an embarrassing performance, by a collection of folks exhibiting humiliatingly cocky behavior. Better luck next season. I baked a humble pie for us, Detroit. Feel free to grab a slice.

  1. Rerun.

There are some 2021 Bengals vibes surrounding the Commanders here.

Another young, Heisman-winning LSU quarterback leading a flawed roster on a deep run? Suddenly, our friend Jayden is two(!!) victories away from a ring. The kid is unbelievable.

  1. Scary Terry.

It’s hard to explain just how happy it makes me to see Mr. McLaurin smile. He hasn’t played with a competent signal-caller since his final year in Columbus. No. 17 deserves every single moment of this.

  1. One-man show.

If I’m right about a player, I usually point it out. It’s only fair that I acknowledge when an athlete makes me look like a total idiot, as well.

Saquon Barkley tore his ACL in 2020, then averaged 3.7 yards per carry the following campaign. In my mind, it was over. The trademark glide and burst were gone; I thought it was outside the realm of possibility that we’d ever see him on an All-Pro team.

Here we are. No NFL player had a more memorable regular season, and you could absolutely argue that Barkley is the best football player on the planet right now. We saw him slapping his own helmet as he bolted to the end zone from 78 yards out. It’s easy to tell what was going through his mind. Stop it. Stop it! I can’t believe I did it again. This isn’t fair. The dude is in awe just like the rest of us.

  1. A quick hypothetical.

Remember when Tampa Bay almost pulled off that miracle comeback against the Rams in the 2021 playoffs? Let’s pretend for a moment that Tom Brady had actually gotten it done. LA’s Super Bowl run never happens. Is Sean McVay still in charge today?

It sounds weird, but I think I’d actually lean towards no. McVay would be 5-6 in the playoffs, with one conference championship appearance. Most coaches aren’t getting a ninth year with that kind of track record.

Of course, none of this matters. The Rams put Brady away, and went on to beat my Bengals fair and square. It’s just amazing how the outcome of a single contest can flip a coach’s entire reputation. Ryan Day concurs.

  1. Down the drain.

Oh, Mark Andrews. Even as someone who despises the Ravens, that was horrifying to watch. All of his on-field accomplishments, forgotten in an instant.

It’s the most impactful drop that I can remember since Wes Welker in the Super Bowl in 2012.

  1. Your flowers, sir.

Here are the Bills from 2009 to 2016, lined up next to the eight seasons that they’ve employed Sean McDermott.

Bills (2009-2016)

VS.

Bills (2017-Present)

52-76

Record

86-45

18-30

Record vs. AFC East

32-16

0

Division Titles

5

0

Playoff Appearances

7

0

Playoff Wins

7

There are real humans who are still pleading for Buffalo’s front office to fire McDermott. Like, with a straight face. Come on, guys. Be better.

  1. Time to peek ahead.

Conference championship weekend is about to arrive, and we have two awesome battles. An NFC East rubber match, with the best rookie quarterback ever walking into Philadelphia. Then, it’s yet another Bills-Chiefs showdown in Arrowhead. Strap in.

Pressroom

It is what it always will be. Ohio against the world.

LeBron James.

Spin It

“Celebration” by Kool & The Gang. Ohio State 34, Notre Dame 23.

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