Welcome to Glass Slipper! I miss watching Rafael Nadal already; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: Drake Maye commits 2+ turnovers and gets sacked 4+ times in his first career start.

I literally just feel bad for the kid. Will Anderson on one edge and Danielle Hunter on the other, with Derek Stingley Jr. behind them? In your first NFL start? What exactly are New England fans expecting to happen here?

The Patriots don’t employ a single above-average receiver, and they have the worst offensive line in football. The only priority today is making sure Maye walks out of Gillette Stadium under his own power.

Prediction 2: Will Levis does not throw an interception.

I have no idea why I’m doing this. Levis has basically played three games, and no one in the league has flung more picks. His decision-making is truly horrifying, and he seems to regress by the week. I’m honestly starting to wonder if this man was ever good at football. He was a three-star recruit, got beat out by Sean Clifford twice at Penn State, then fled to Lexington and posted a touchdown-to-interception ratio of less than 2:1. At least the mayo commercials are kind of entertaining.

I’ll reluctantly show a little bit of trust in Will this afternoon. He’s facing the Colts, who just let a broken Jacksonville offense drop 37 on them; if Levis can’t look sharp today, I don’t know if it’s ever happening.

Prediction 3: CeeDee Lamb finishes with 115+ receiving yards and at least one receiving touchdown against the Lions.

I have never once been impressed while watching Carlton Davis play this sport. He’ll presumably be on an island with CeeDee today, and that sounds like a four-quarter feasting session for the $136 million man himself. 

The last time Lamb hit both of these benchmarks in the same contest, our calendars had yet to flip to 2024. He’ll break loose in this one, and make poor Carlton look foolish for three hours.

Prediction 4: The Bengals defeat the Giants by 10+ points.

I can’t believe I’m getting sucked back in again. Part of me wants Cincinnati to lose, so I officially have Sundays free for the next 12 weeks. Unfortunately, I think the Bengals roll tonight.

Prediction 5: New York beats Buffalo on Monday Night Football.

Some dudes just aren’t cut out to be a head coach. That certainly applies to Josh McDaniels and Kliff Kingsbury. To me, it was also clearly the case with Robert Saleh. I would venture to guess that the Jets’ locker room felt it, too.

I’m not saying that Jeff Ulbrich is some brilliant leader, but I heartily approve of his first decision. Taking the play sheet out of Nathaniel Hackett’s hands is always a great idea. This pick is built upon simple logic; the incapable coaches leave, and the team plays better. Give me the Jets.

• Week 5 Results: 2-3

• Overall Season Picks Record: 7-18

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $180

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