Welcome to Glass Slipper! More dark times in Columbus; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: The Bengals defeat the Steelers by 7+ points.

There is no logical justification here. Pittsburgh is the better team in every way, and Joe Burrow literally questioned whether his wrist would hold up in the cold weather.

This is a fork in the road for Cincinnati. Win today, and you have Cooper Rush, Will Levis, and Jameis Winston next on the schedule. Even for my pathetic Bengals, that’s a totally reasonable avenue back into the playoff hunt. Lose this one, and you’re getting booed out of your own stadium. Time to pick a path.

Prediction 2: CJ Stroud does not commit a turnover.

Unfortunately, this is now considered bold. CJ has given it away seven times in his last five outings; it’s a bizarre development for a dude that took such good care of the ball in Columbus. He’ll finally turn in a clean performance this afternoon, with the help of a horrendous Jaguars secondary.

Because of the lack of competition in the AFC South, Houston has gotten away with sleepwalking all year. I believe DeMeco Ryans is one of the best young coaches in professional sports, so I trust him to figure it out.

Prediction 3: Jonathan Taylor finishes with 100+ rushing yards against New England.

Every time the Big Ten championship game approaches, I think about how scared I was in 2019. Ohio State was the top-ranked team in America, and I shaking in my boots watching the kid wearing No. 23 for Wisconsin tote the football. No opposing college back has made me feel that way since.

Because of injuries, Taylor’s NFL production has been rather pedestrian since his early-career explosion. He’s somehow only reached the century mark seven times in his last 31 regular season contests. My guy will add one to the tally, in a game that Indianapolis desperately needs.

Prediction 4: Jalen Hurts, Saquon Barkley, Lamar Jackson, and Derrick Henry all score at least one rushing touchdown.

Four of the top five dudes on my MVP ladder will be on the field in Baltimore, and they’re all getting into the end zone. More than anything, we should enjoy this matchup. I think both of these squads would beat any 2023-24 NFL team at a neutral site. This is a clash between two truly special groups.

Prediction 5: 75+ total yards for Deebo Samuel on Sunday Night Football.

I’ve seen real Niners fans on social media urging Kyle Shanahan to both bench Deebo and strip him of his captaincy. Let’s calm down, folks. I get that this campaign has been a rough one, but don’t forget about everything Samuel has done for you. His brilliance and versatility as a rookie got you to a Super Bowl. His iconic 2021 season powered you to another one. Perhaps you shouldn’t bite the hand that has fed you great memories for six years.

With Brock Purdy back in the lineup, Deebo will step on the gas this evening. San Francisco is counting on him.

• Week 13 Results: 0-5 (Wipe that grin off your face.)

• Overall Season Picks Record: 19-41

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $410

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