Welcome to Glass Slipper! I miss prime Jerricho Cotchery; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: The Dolphins defeat the Bills in Buffalo.

Let’s make this division race a little more interesting. The Bills came down to Miami and tagged the Dolphins back in Week 2. I don’t think it happens again.

Tua Tagovailoa got awfully snippy in his media session a few days ago; it sure seems like Miami’s frustration is ready to bubble over. I see a De’Von Achane explosion incoming, against a Buffalo run defense that is vulnerable.

Prediction 2: Cincinnati beats Las Vegas by 10+ points.

This is so stupid. I wouldn’t feel great picking the Bengals to beat my second-grade flag football squad by double digits right now. I don’t know what’s going on with Lou Anarumo; either regain that magic 2021 touch, or get out of town. You’re wasting a year of Joe Burrow’s prime.

The AFC has been relatively disappointing as a whole, so I’m not ready to declare Cincy’s season over quite yet. I might change that stance if the team manages to lose this afternoon.

Prediction 3: 70+ total rushing attempts in the Lions-Packers game.

We’re getting a throwback clash in Lambeau today. The conditions are supposed to be ugly, and both of these coaches believe in establishing the run anyway. It’s going to be smash-mouth football for 60 minutes.

Man, do I wish Greg Olsen was still next to Kevin Burkhardt in the booth. I just ask Tom Brady not to ruin our viewing experience with those weird, unnecessary primal screams. Your job is to make the game more enjoyable, if you haven’t heard.

Prediction 4: Jonathan Taylor and Justin Jefferson combine for 225+ total yards on Sunday Night Football.

It will frustrate me to no end if future generations look back on Jonathan Taylor’s stats, and come to the conclusion that he was some one-year wonder. That man is so, so good at football. Ask any Ohio State fan. There isn’t a collegiate running back over the last decade that put more fear in my heart than JT.

A dominant Justin Jefferson performance feels inevitable here. Kenny Moore is a star, but he plays in the slot; those poor corners on the outside for Indianapolis are in for a brutal evening trying to stay with the league’s best receiver.

Prediction 5: Patrick Mahomes does not throw an interception against Tampa Bay.

This is bolder than you think. Mahomes has tossed at least one pick in every contest this season, and he’s tallied 23 in his last 23 regular-season outings.

The sloppiness doesn’t really matter, because the dude consistently takes care of the ball in the playoffs. It is a little bit odd, though. As Kansas City’s offensive line and defense improve, Mahomes’ duties more and more resemble those of a game manager. The fact that he’s tied with Mr. Gunslinger Josh Allen for the most interceptions thrown since 2021 is rather strange.

Still, the Chiefs have every right to be the prohibitive favorites to complete a three-peat in February. Someone has to step up and beat these dudes when the money is on the table.

• Week 8 Results: 0-5 (Yikes.)

• Overall Season Picks Record: 10-30

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $300

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