Umbrella

A recap of the NFL Divisional round.

Welcome to Glass Slipper! Cam Ward has multiple reasons to be frustrated right now; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Here are my 10 biggest takeaways from the Divisional round of the NFL playoffs.

  1. Hide-and-seek.

Let’s stop with the special treatment for Josh Allen. Enough. I don’t even think the man himself wants to be coddled this aggressively. If any other quarterback committed four turnovers in a playoff game and then flicked on the waterworks at their media session, they’re getting roasted mercilessly online. Allen blubbers away, and people are ready to use themselves as a human shield in order to protect him. It’s more bizarre than frustrating, quite frankly.

The Bills had a top-four scoring defense in 2019. Again in 2021. Again in 2022. Again in 2023. James Cook just won the rushing crown. The offensive line is rarely an issue. Ken Dorsey was promoted because Josh wanted him to be the coordinator. Joe Brady shed his interim tag for the same reason. Allen will enter his thirties with zero Super Bowl appearances on the resume. Don’t tell me it’s because he hasn’t had sufficient help.

Let’s talk about the guy that ultimately took the fall for these repeated shortcomings…

  1. Carousel.

Three of the six best head coaches in the AFC have cleaned out their office this month. Everything will feel weird next season.

I think Sean McDermott is great. If he’s open to a defensive coordinator job, could San Francisco be a possibility? Robert Saleh is gone, and Sean used to match wits with Kyle Shanahan when they were NFC South rivals. The two undoubtedly developed a strong mutual respect throughout that era.

It’s quite unfortunate that our final image of McDermott in Buffalo was him passionately arguing against a correct interception call. Regardless, he should have potential suitors lined up around the block; five straight division titles mean something.

  1. Downpour.

It’s 2014, and Michigan is in the Shoe. My Buckeyes emerge victorious, but JT Barrett - who was likely headed to New York for the Heisman ceremony - gets carted off in the fourth quarter. Shortly after the game, it’s announced that he has a broken ankle. In other words, I know exactly what Denver fans are going through right now.

I don’t trust Jarrett Stidham whatsoever. Apologies, Broncos Country. He uncorked an awfully confident quote when Bo Nix originally beat him for the job, and Sean Payton evidently concurs with the 29-year-old’s self-assessment. I’ll believe it when I see it, though. This is the same Stidham that forced the Patriots to panic-sign Cam Newton in 2020, who was a half-decade removed from his peak. Prove me wrong, Jarrett.

  1. Emerald City.

In recent seasons, I’ve found myself wondering if Seattle’s crowd was actually elite. During the Legion of Boom days, that noise was probably worth about a touchdown. Could Seahawks fans still get up and swing a playoff contest?

All of my questions were answered when Rashid Shaheed brushed off Eddie Piñeiro’s trip attempt. That place was absolutely out of control.

It was Russell Wilson to Jermaine Kearse all over again, and I loved it.

  1. Finger wag.

It feels rather silly to question a Kyle Shanahan playcall. That man sneezed this morning, and forgot more about the sport of football than I’ll ever learn. But come on, dude. Fourth-and-short from Seattle territory, down 7-0. Your most important snap since Super Bowl LVIII. You roll with a fullback speed option into the short side of the field? I’m sorry?

Shanahan knew from the jump that he couldn’t beat the Seahawks straight up. John Lynch needs to nail this draft, and close the gap.

  1. Soft-boiled.

CJ Stroud was an abject disaster. It made me sad. Things are more fun when he’s awesome. Late in the third, I probably would’ve given Davis Mills at least one drive. No further comment.

  1. A Josh McDaniels discussion.

I think he’s the best offensive coordinator of all time. Seriously.

McDaniels has six rings, and is a victory away from claiming his 10th(!!) AFC title. He made the ever-incompetent Jimmy Garroppolo look so good that the Niners spent a second-round pick on him. He dragged Mac Jones to the dance. He helped turn Drake Maye into a superstar. What else do you want from him?

Josh is somehow only 49, too. There’s time for him to grab that GOAT label unanimously.

  1. Sparkling.

A 45-yard dime off his back foot, with the morale of the city hanging in the balance. Not even three interceptions could make us forget about that ball. Caleb Williams is going to be in our lives for the next 15 years, folks.

A lot of Bears supporters owe Ryan Poles a handwritten apology. They started trying to run the guy out of town before the ink was dry on his contract. He struck gold with these last two batches of rookies, nabbed the right head coach, and has brought genuine hope back to the fan base. I’m not seeing enough individuals owning up to their premature criticisms.

  1. Wheels up.

I’m done watching receivers doing offseason workouts in Florida, or inside some million-dollar domed facility. Look around at the franchises that are teed up for success moving forward. How many of them play outdoors, and are located in places that become frigid in January? Philadelphia, Washington, Chicago, Green Bay, New England, Buffalo, Baltimore, Denver, Kansas City. It’s going to be slush and snow in huge moments, not balmy sunshine.

Dudes were dropping everything this weekend. I want to see them flying a JUGS machine out to a ski resort this spring.

  1. Time to peek ahead.

We’ve whittled it down to four. One of these things is going to happen in 19 days.

  • Matthew Stafford and Sean McVay win their second Super Bowl in four years.

  • Sam Darnold - playing on his fifth team in six seasons - wins the Super Bowl.

  • Drake Maye wins the Super Bowl in Year 2.

  • Jarrett Stidham wins the Super Bowl.

Rams and Seahawks. Patriots and Broncos. Let’s send two teams to the Bay.

Pressroom

I’m going to show everyone what I’m capable of doing.

Saints QB Jake Haener before his first NFL start in 2024; he was benched at halftime, and New Orleans lost at home.

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