Welcome to Glass Slipper! A Scottie Scheffler and Bryson DeChambeau tandem vanishing act; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: Jaxson Dart commits multiple turnovers in his first NFL start.

He’s not ready yet. I have no doubt that Dart will move the ball and provide some exciting flashes, but don’t expect the cleanest of performances this afternoon.

I’m just hoping that the kid exits MetLife with a clean bill of health, quite honestly. Jaxson has never been one to shy away from contact; he better learn to protect himself, before Derwin James sends him to the IR.

Prediction 2: Philadelphia defeats Tampa Bay by 7+ points.

Is it too late to flex this game to Monday night? Emeka Egbuka and Quinyon Mitchell are about to battle for three hours. You’re seriously going to make me watch Jake Browning get swallowed up by Denver under the lights instead?

Though the Bucs are impressive, I prefer Philly in all three phases. Baker Mayfield is too sloppy, and the Eagles remain perfect.

Prediction 3: CJ Stroud finishes with 2+ passing touchdowns and zero interceptions.

Alright, buddy. The general public is beginning to wonder if your rookie campaign was a fluke; it’s time to kick this thing into gear.

Stroud’s supporting cast gives me secondhand embarrassment. The worst offensive line in the league, a below-average receiving core, and a washed running back? Pick a struggle. Though CJ certainly deserves some of the blame, we can spread it around a little bit.

The young signal-caller has thrown multiple touchdown passes and no interceptions in only three of his last 20 games. That’s flat-out alarming. For reference, Lamar Jackson has done it 14 times in the past 365 days. Let’s get Mr. Stroud on track here.

Prediction 4: Isiah Pacheco logs 50+ yards from scrimmage.

Allow me to be crystal clear. I don’t think Isiah Pacheco is particularly good at football. In fact, I’d argue that this Chiefs running back group is the NFL’s single weakest position room. Kansas City hasn’t had a 1,000-yard guy at that spot since the dynasty began, so I don’t necessarily blame Brett Veach for ignoring the issue. Why try to tinker with your philosophy when there are three Lombardis sitting on the mantel?

Including the playoffs, Pacheco has fallen short of 50 total yards in nine(!!) consecutive contests. He’ll finally get there, against a Ravens defense that is stuck in score-as-many-points-as-you-please mode.

Prediction 5: Micah Parsons records 1.5+ sacks or more in his return to Dallas.

Here we go. A stadium full of gloomy folks donning No. 11. The repeated cutaways to the Jones family. Those NBC cartoon sequences detailing Micah’s tenure with the Cowboys. I want it all.

Every neutral observer should be pulling for Green Bay to race ahead by double-digits, so Dak Prescott has to start letting it rip. More pass-rushing opportunities for Parsons, and more shots of Dallas folks trying to decide whether or not to cheer for their departed hero. Bask in the glorious drama tonight.

• Week 3 Results: 3-2

• Overall Season Picks Record: 6-9

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $90

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