Welcome to Glass Slipper! Trey Galloway, you little rascal; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

NL East

1. Mets (94-68)

2. Phillies (91-71)

3. Braves (89-73)

4. Nationals (72-90)

5. Marlins (58-104)

Here’s Juan Soto, lined up next to the first seven years of Barry Bonds’ career. You let me know which dude is better at the plate.

Yeah. The Mets found magic at the end of last season, and Steve Cohen deserves credit for opening up that checkbook to build on the momentum. Plugging an all-time great hitter into a top-seven offense spells danger for the rest of us.

Atlanta probably starts slow because of the Ronald Acuna Jr. and Spencer Strider injuries, but that team will be utterly terrifying by the All-Star break. It’s the only roster on paper that the Dodgers aren’t roasting in the group chat. Philadelphia is essentially running back the same group; we’ll see if this is the year that it starts to feel a little bit stale.

CJ Abrams, Dylan Crews, and James Wood is an awesome young trio at the top of Washington’s order, and I believe the MacKenzie Gore breakout campaign is upon us. There’s a lot of fun stuff happening within that organization. Meanwhile, the Marlins are a joke. Only turn on a game if Sandy Alcantara is taking a no-hitter into the seventh or something.

NL Central

1. Cubs (86-76)

2. Brewers (85-77)

3. Reds (82-80)

4. Pirates (72-90)

5. Cardinals (71-91)

There is no World Series contender to be found in this division, so I won’t spend a ton of time here. Behind Shota Imanaga and Justin Steele - the two most underrated starting pitchers on the planet - I have Chicago climbing back to the top of the pile. My usual blind trust in the Brewers flew out the window when I realized that they’re actually depending on Nestor Cortes to be the No. 2 guy in the rotation. I get that people are entertained by his cute little deception tactics; within the next six months, he’ll be exposed as one of the sport’s most fraudulent players. I smell a 4.50 ERA campaign.

My precious Reds employ a real manager for the first time in 12 years, and they set the table for him with a really nice offseason.

Unfortunately, I still don’t see quite enough juice in this lineup. When you play half of your contests in a ballpark the size of a walk-in closet, there should be an impetus on acquiring sluggers. Cincinnati is one or two bats short.

Our offense runs circles around the one in Pittsburgh, though. The Cardinals - otherwise known as the bane of my existence - have resigned themselves to a rebuild. That makes me smile.

NL West

1. Dodgers (117-45)

2. Diamondbacks (90-72)

3. Giants (84-78)

4. Padres (81-81)

5. Rockies (54-108)

No, that piece I wrote a few weeks ago was not an embellishment, an exaggeration, or hyperbole. I legitimately believe that Los Angeles has assembled the best baseball team ever. The Diamondbacks are extremely talented, and that 1-2 punch of Corbin Burnes and Zac Gallen is a serious problem. They should be right in the thick of the wild card race all year.

San Francisco is trapped in mediocrity, and I think the Padres are about to join the party in no man’s land. You can kind of just feel the window closing. The family that owns the organization is fighting, Manny Machado and Xander Bogaerts aren’t getting any younger, and the face of the franchise hasn’t looked consistently elite since testing positive for steroids and blaming it on his ringworm medication. This is an average squad.

The Rockies are horrendous. I’d discuss them further, but looking at their roster actually bums me out.

Playoff Seeding:

1. Dodgers

2. Mets

3. Cubs

4. Phillies

5. Diamondbacks

6. Braves

Wild Card Round

#6 Braves OVER #3 Cubs

#5 Diamondbacks OVER #4 Phillies

Divisional Round

#6 Braves OVER #2 Mets

#1 Dodgers OVER #5 Diamondbacks

Championship Series

#1 Dodgers OVER #6 Braves

I mean, come on. You might as well pencil this one in. LA has seven All-Stars in its lineup, the filthiest rotation of all time, and casually added a pair of shutdown relievers in January. There’s not a team in the NL that can hang.

Pressroom

Spin It

“Wait” by Maroon 5. It’s been way longer than you think.