Welcome to Glass Slipper! 5 earned runs in 5.2 innings for Miles Mikolas last night. Happy days indeed; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

These fans have waited a full decade for a playoff appearance. The avenue may never be more clear than it is right now. Let’s break down the #9 team in the Glass Slipper rankings, Penn State.

Offense

Serious question. How far can Drew Allar throw a football? His high school tape tells me that he has a rare arm, and can fling it 80 yards. If I only saw the college film, I’d have no reason to believe he could launch one farther than me. The unconditional devotion to drags and curls last season was alarming and unacceptable. That’s the No. 1 quarterback recruit in the class of 2022, who just wasted a year of his college career because he was too scared to let it fly.

Penn State made Mike Yurcich take the fall for Allar’s highly timid campaign, and sent him packing before the 2023 season had even concluded. Now Andy Kotelnicki steps in as the offensive coordinator, a man who earned a reputation for producing big plays in the passing game at Kansas. I just wonder if he’ll have the resources to duplicate that success in Happy Valley right away. I didn’t love the Nittany Lions’ offensive line last year, and three of those starters are gone now. In addition, I think this wide receiver room is one of the worst in the entire Power Five. Julian Fleming seems like a great kid, but I’ve watched him play college football for four years. If that’s the best guy at the position on your roster, you’re in deep, deep trouble. Allar might just have to spam throws to Tyler Warren all season.

The main bright spot of this unit is the running back duo. Nick Singleton and Kaytron Allen both fight for every blade of grass they can possibly pick up, and I love it. We’ll see if they’re able to dominate with so much uncertainty around them.

Defense

The defense is going to be awesome, just like it always is. In five of the last seven years, Penn State has finished in the top 10 nationally in points allowed. That’s an unbelievable run of consistent excellence.

I believe this group has a chance to be even more special than usual, though. Why? Well, Tom Allen - and his signature boundless energy - is in the building now. He’s a perfect match for a program that sometimes feels intimidated on big stages. Allen will have these guys ready to run through a wall before important matchups.

All three levels are rock-solid, and there are future NFL players everywhere. Abdul Carter is sliding from his middle linebacker spot to the edge, which is a transition that every offensive tackle in the conference was secretly hoping would never happen. I see him winning the Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year award and being one of the first 20 players off the board on draft night; Carter dons that prestigious No. 11 jersey for a reason. I seriously think there’s a chance that the Nittany Lions enter Game 6 of their schedule having only given up two or three touchdowns on the season. This unit is that good.

Season Outlook

Pre-Bowl Record Prediction: 11-1

Selection Sunday Fan Mood: I can’t believe it. We really made the playoff. Wait, what? The teams seeded 5-8 get the quarterfinal game at their own campus? So we’re hosting one more in Beaver Stadium? What’s the policy on having a second White Out in the same season? Someone call the school!

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“Rose-Colored Boy” by Paramore. An iconic chorus.