Welcome to Glass Slipper! I may or may not have been dead wrong about Isaiah Bond; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

AL East

1. Red Sox (94-68)

2. Yankees (93-69)

3. Orioles (87-75)

4. Rays (84-78)

5. Blue Jays (76-86)

Baseball is at its most fun when Boston and New York are battling for the division. I used to hate when people said stuff like that, but I get it now. You want the rowdiest fan bases to have a stake during September and October; it makes the discourse more lively, and the elimination tears more tasty.

No one in the AL had a more impressive offseason than the Red Sox. They nabbed one of the three best 25-and-under starting pitchers in the world, and brought in soon-to-be crowd favorite Alex Bregman. Yankees folks were punching air when Juan Soto bolted, and that much-maligned front office actually did a decent job of calming them down. The idiotic beard policy is finally gone, too.

Even though I love Baltimore’s young core (especially future home run king Gunnar Henderson), I’m not trusting a team whose most bankable pitcher is 41 years old. The Rays will be a thorn in everyone’s side, but that lineup doesn’t have enough juice.

Meanwhile, I have Toronto starting slow and then selling at the deadline. Vlad Guerrero Jr. winds up with his childhood friend Fernando on the Padres, and this once-promising Jays core disintegrates before our eyes.

AL Central

1. Guardians (89-73)

2. Royals (85-77)

3. Tigers (84-78)

4. Twins (76-86)

5. White Sox (49-113)

The Guardians are always good. It doesn’t matter what the roster looks like. These dudes haven’t finished worse than third in the Central since I was in sixth grade, and they’ll take the crown again in 2025. I’m done underestimating them.

Both Kansas City and Detroit are two power bats short of true contention. I see people hyping up the Twins as a sleeper, and I would gladly welcome any sort of logical explanation. They were closing in on a playoff berth last year, choked harder than any squad in recent MLB history, and then went radio silent through the winter. Only scaredy-cat organizations respond to failure in that manner.

Chicago is coming off the worst 162-game campaign of all time.

I’ll give the boys an eight-win boost out of pure sympathy, though I could make an argument that they’re actually worse on paper.

AL West

1. Rangers (88-74)

2. Mariners (86-76)

3. Angels (73-89)

4. Astros (72-90)

5. Athletics (68-94)

It still feels bizarre that the 2023 Rangers hoisted the World Series trophy. That team had a 4-16 stretch towards the end of the regular season, didn’t win the AL West, and then just ripped its way to a title out of nowhere. It was essentially the MLB version of the No. 4 seed UConn men’s basketball squad that claimed the throne seven months prior. Sometimes, simply getting hot at the right time is enough.

If my precious king Jacob deGrom can stay healthy (Sabrina Carpenter > Short n’ Sweet > Track No. 2), I think Texas will be a real threat again. The Mariners should linger in the rearview mirror, but the lineup is just too dull. I don’t have any idea why they didn’t spend in free agency; Gleyber Torres, Bregman, and Anthony Santander were all out there. Running it back with the 20th best offense in the league is not the answer.

Words can’t explain how happy it made me to throw Houston down there in the fourth spot. I grew up when the Astros were in the NL Central with my Reds, so I’ve always had a built-in disdain for them. When you cheat your way to a ring - and beef up your career earnings in the process - those negative feelings quickly morph into everlasting revulsion. They’ll finish behind the Angels, with Mike Trout delivering an I’m-still-better-than-you statement to the world all year long. The rebuild continues for Oakland. I mean, Sacramento. I mean, Las Vegas.

Playoff Seeding:

1. Red Sox

2. Guardians

3. Rangers

4. Yankees

5. Orioles

6. Mariners

Wild Card Round

#3 Rangers OVER #6 Mariners

#4 Yankees OVER #5 Orioles

Divisional Round

#1 Red Sox OVER #4 Yankees

#3 Rangers OVER #2 Guardians

Championship Series

#1 Red Sox OVER #3 Rangers

The Celtics won the NBA title. The Patriots look like they’ve found their franchise quarterback. The Red Sox will be headed to the World Series this autumn. I’m afraid another Boston avalanche may be incoming.

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