Welcome to Glass Slipper! Kalen DeBoer is punching air as we speak; please enjoy the show.

- Jacob Rhee

Every Sunday morning, I will make five bold predictions regarding the upcoming NFL games. Each time I get one incorrect, $10 is added to the money pot. At the end of the 18-week regular season, that pool of cash will be spent on gifts for random Glass Slipper subscribers. I hope you have a lot of fun rooting against me! Let’s go.

Prediction 1: The Falcons defeat the Vikings.

I’m genuinely interested to see what the reception is like for Kirk Cousins in his return to Minnesota. On one hand, he’s the best quarterback the organization has had since Daunte Culpepper. But he also just didn’t do anything particularly meaningful or memorable in his time there. The best moment in franchise history happened the year before he showed up. Right after Cousins leaves, the Vikings vault into the chase for the NFC’s No. 1 seed with a bridge QB at the helm. Kirk won the division once in six seasons, and subsequently lost in the wild-card round to Daniel Jones at home. You tell me if that warrants a standing ovation.

Cousins certainly won’t be perfect against Brian Flores’s defense this afternoon, but the 36-year-old will do enough. Atlanta picks up a much-needed victory.

Prediction 2: Jacksonville and Tennessee combine to commit 4+ turnovers.

I have too much self-respect to watch a single snap of this thing. I sincerely hope that you do, as well. Let’s all just glance at the box score in four hours to find out if my pick connected.

Mac Jones and Will Levis slinging around a slick football sounds like one big game of hot potato to me. If the Jaguars want to plaster Travis Hunter jerseys all over the team shop in the spring, they better find a way to lose today.

Prediction 3: Deebo Samuel finishes with 75+ total yards.

I made this exact same call a week ago, and Deebo trekked through that snow globe in Buffalo just to smash an egg on my face. I’m going right back to the well; it’ll take a lot more than a rough 15-day stretch to damage my belief in this man. It’s desperation time for the Niners, and their former first-team All-Pro wideout will snap out of his slump in front of the home fans.

Prediction 4: The Chiefs beat the Chargers by 7+ points on Sunday Night Football.

Please, Patrick. Please, Andy. These LA fans talk an unbelievable amount of trash, for an organization that hasn’t made the AFC Championship Game since I was in first grade. Please hand out some humble pie this evening.

Prediction 5: Joe Burrow throws for 300+ yards and 3+ touchdowns, and defeats Dallas.

Because I’m quite possibly the biggest nerd to ever roam the Earth, I sifted through all of Burrow’s game logs since he enrolled at Ohio State to test my hunch that he’s untouchable when playing in a dome. Well, I was correct. It feels gross to combine a dude’s college and professional stats, but here we go. 11 games. 39 total touchdowns, four interceptions. I think Joe likes roofs.

Half of me wants the Bengals to lose out, and the other half would love to see our franchise quarterback smiling on the sidelines again. Let’s see what happens.

• Week 13 Results: 1-4

• Overall Season Picks Record: 20-45

• Current NFL Prize Pot: $450

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“Runaway (U and I)” by Galantis. A whole decade?